Reflections

As I reflect back over this last week I have come to one conclusion.
 I have stopped trying. 
During this week, I was yearning for the weekend, pining for the days off where I could sit in my bed doing absolutely nothing...being slothful and unproductive.

During this week, I haven't tried, much less succeeded, in managing my classroom, mainly because I was not prepared---I was coasting.

Coasting and being "not in the moment" doesn't fly in this type of career---or any career. There were moments that I was being rude to just be rude. There were times that children were just being children. Instead of coming down to their thinking level, I came down to their level of coping ---pure childishness. I was sharp, strict, and undeniable, painfully disregardful of what was taking place right before my eyes. I was choosing not to care.

I have been choosing not to love these children.
I have been choosing not to write the lessons that will engage them and excite them.
I have been choosing to be lethargic, unproductive, and cynical about my situation.
I have been choosing to be overwhelmed with my sucky (pretty darn good) life.
I have been choosing not to try. 

I have not given it my all.

I have not tried my best.

I have not earned my paycheck. 

I have been wasting time.

I have been wasting resources.

My life, up to this point, has led me to where I am.

There are no coincidences. 

I am supposed to be here. 

In Las Vegas. 

As a first year teacher, in an arts integrated school.